What I Think About

by Audra Swindell

Everyone has a thing they think about most. I’m guessing it may depend on life stage or experience, but my thing for the last few years has been what do non-Christians think about us? Especially the ones the Lord has given me in my “lot.” I think about it all the time. My running commentary is something like . . .

I have no idea how to explain why I don’t watch/read/say that in a way that doesn’t come across as jeezy.
Do you think she knows I’m a Christian?
Do you think she cares?
Does he/she think I’m like [insert latest church scandal culprit]?
That was the stupidest thing I could’ve done/said!
Does he care about the same things I do . . . even though he’s not a Christian?

I think about how others look at us all the time. I have a love/hate relationship with both our pop culture and this microcosm called the Church. I’m constantly wondering how things are interpreted by others and how to interpret well the cultural barrage constantly intersecting my faith. At the end of the day, I want to know that my meticulous attention to these issues has made a difference. I want to know that thinking long and hard about how non-Christians perceive us and how we are perceiving and interpreting “their” culture matters.

When I’m sitting in church, I’m often thinking about what my non-Christian friends would think if they walked in, sat down, and heard this story or preaching. The hardest part is interpreting what I wish they felt. Do I want them to like it? Do I want it to resonate with them? Do I want it to hit them between the eyes? Do I want it to sound crazy to them?

Striking a balance in the Christian life that allows me to be who I am around both a Christian and a non-Christian that I know and love is really hard. It’s one of the harder tight ropes I’ve walked. I want to gain a hearing, gain trust, gain credibility with my non-Christian friends by being a good friend, loving unconditionally, and allowing them to be who they are in my presence (in the same way I do for a Christian friend). However, I don’t ever want to make a mockery of the redemption story that IS my lifeblood in order to do so. At the end of the day, being a friend of God is more important to me than a friend in this worldly realm. Obviously he has never asked me to make a choice, but it is in the doing of both that I find such hardship.

Since this is the thing I think about most, I’m drawn to books and people and social commentary (in many forms) that address such mental wanderings. I recently stumbled upon George MacDonald. The following quote of MacDonald’s gave/gives me a lot of peace and also a healthy striving for who I want to become in the eyes of both the Lord and the unbelievers he delivers to my “lot.” MacDonald writes of the Lord: 

For He regards men not as they are merely, but as they shall be; not as they shall be merely, but as they are now growing, or capable of growing, toward that image after which He made them that they might grow to it. Therefore a thousand stages, each in itself all but valueless, are of inestimable worth as the necessary and connected gradations of an infinite progress. A condition which of declension would indicate a devil, may of growth indicate a saint.

I am reminded that when God looks at the lives of his children, he sees a whole life . . . He is not bogged down in the finiteness of linear time. I want to keep this in mind when I become enmeshed in my questions. I want my perception to be big enough to see both Christian friends and non-Christian friends truthfully. My hope is that if I do this well, the Lord will use me as a small part of making the latter into the former.

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The purpose of a blog is to encourage spiritual discourse in our community. As such, posts are generally not edited for content, and may not represent the positions of Grace Bible Church.

The Fear of the Lord

by April Bouhasin

The plane lurched and startled me awake. Anthony’s hand holding mine was cold and clammy. I heard the people around me gasp as the plane plummeted again and then steadied out. Lightning flashed outside—so bright and so close.

I’d never been on a flight like that before. As the plane bounced through the turbulent air, my mind replayed what they’d said before we’d taken off, “Tornados in Dallas.” Were we going to fly into a tornado? My mind began to play tricks on me as I fought back the urge to throw up and listened to the frightened chatter around me. What if this is it? What if we die right now?

Suddenly the petty things didn’t matter so much—suddenly, the fear of the Lord did. The verse ran through my mind, “To live is Christ, to die is gain,” and I began to wonder, “Why then, am I so frightened to die?” I knew I would meet the Lord. Perhaps it was because for me, to live has not been Christ.

God has been reminding me repeatedly that I should fear God, not man, and yet I have repeatedly chosen to ignore this warning. In fact, here I was, sitting next to a woman I knew God wanted me to share the gospel with, and I had not even opened my mouth to say hello. I feared her more then the God who controlled the storm that brewed outside.

I felt like Jonah on the boat; it was as if the plane was being tossed about and God was saying, “Do you fear Me? Do you fear Me enough to obey Me?” The answer, quite frankly, was no.

The plane finally steadied out, and to my shame, I sat there and continued to make excuses for why I didn’t think I could share the gospel with this woman. For the next nights the incident played over and over in my head . . . my lack of fear of the Lord. My terror of death. My lack of will to obey.

It is so easy in the Bible belt to “play church” and even to “play ministry.” Here I am, a seminary graduate, and a minister to refugees in Vickery Meadows, and yet I know that I don’t really fear the Lord . . . not as He deserves to be feared.

God, awaken in me a new passion for You. Help me to fear You above all others. Help me to act in accordance with the truth, and to obey Your Word in every aspect of my life. Teach me what it is to fear You.

Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
–Proverbs 31:30

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The purpose of a blog is to encourage spiritual discourse in our community. As such, posts are generally not edited for content, and may not represent the positions of Grace Bible Church.

How Firm a Foundation

by Sherry O’Toole

We have just returned from our annual April stay at the farm. While there, we enjoy attending the First Baptist Church of Mt. Enterprise. I grew up in this church. The building is different and many of the people are gone, but something about the atmosphere overwhelms me with memories. Maybe this memory will encourage you Sunday School teachers who wonder if you are making a lasting impression. Maybe it will reinforce to grandparents the importance of their role.

In November of 1937, on my fourth birthday, we moved into our new little house across a black-topped road from my father’s parents. Do the math if you must. My grandfather wasted no time in enrolling me in the Sunday School of the First Baptist Church of Mt. Enterprise. My parents were not Christians, but two quiet hours on Sunday mornings were enough to motivate my mother to dress me for church.

I would run across the road to watch Granddaddy tie his tie and shine his shoes in front of the chifforobe in his bedroom. My grandmother had already begun dinner for the pastor whom he always invited.  He would put on his jacket and pick up his hat as we walked out of the house to the black Ford. There must have been other cars in the twelve years that we did this, but I can remember only the black Ford.

We were always the first persons there. Granddaddy was a deacon, so I suspect that he opened the church. I never noticed what he did, because I ran directly to the bell tower. I was allowed to pull the long rope that rang the bell to tell everyone that it was time to come to church. The swing of the bell could lift my feet from the floor if given a little help.

The building was an uninsulated white frame building. It seemed very large to me, but I doubt that it was. Heated by a wood-burning stove in the winter, in summer it was cooled by open windows and cardboard fans. My Sunday School class met in the northeast corner of the building right next to the bell tower. The Men’s Class met in the pews of the southwest corner.

The children’s corner had a low table surrounded by little red chairs. Miss Gladys was my Sunday School teacher. Rural southern towns had a format for titles: Old men and teachers were called Mr. last name. Other men were called Mr. first name. All women except teachers were called Miss first name.

The first thing we did was take up collection. Miss Gladys helpfully untied the handkerchiefs in which our nickels had been tightly tied into their corners. I can only hope that the handkerchiefs had been used for nothing except safe transport of our money. Miss Gladys would pass the nickel back to us so we could put it in the basket with our own hands. Then we were given a picture to color. While we vied for unbroken crayons, Miss Gladys checked the roll and counted our donations.

The lesson was taught from a folded page with a colorful picture and memory verse on the front; a picture of a smiling family in front of a white church, “I was glad when they said unto me let us go into the house of the Lord.” A picture of Jesus with children, “Suffer the little children to come unto to me.” A picture of Jesus carrying a little lamb, “Be ye kind to one another.” She read the story on the inside of the folder.

I’m sure that I listened, because I loved a story, but I could also hear the hum of men’s voices. I could recognize my grandfather’s voice as he commented on a point. The sound of his voice leading prayer is precious to me. I am sure that he prayed me right into God’s family.

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The purpose of a blog is to encourage spiritual discourse in our community. As such, posts are generally not edited for content, and may not represent the positions of Grace Bible Church.

The Blessing

by Kelsey

Fear of failure threatens to debilitate me at times. I have prayerfully surrendered the fear seventy times seven times and have tried self-help exercises like a Band-Aid on sand-covered skin. I’ve wished away the characteristics that make me vulnerable to this fear. But I’ve had trouble naming what I’m afraid will happen when I fail.

Recently God has enabled me to name one thing I fear in failure: fear of losing the blessing. The blessing is the goodness that permeates my life, goodness that I know deep down comes from God but that I feel I can control through performance.

My spiritual director prompted me to reflect on the life of Jacob. Jacob came out of the womb holding Esau’s heel in an attempt to control the blessing. He spent most of his life wrestling with man for the blessing even though God continued to intervene to bless him. Jacob tricked Esau and Isaac for the blessing. When in a dream at Bethel God descended a ladder from heaven to bless Jacob, Jacob responded by negotiating his own terms for the blessing. When God promised the speckled and streaked among Laban’s flocks to Jacob, Jacob used his own superstitious efforts to try to control the blessing. When God told Jacob to return to his native land, Jacob tried to prevent destruction of the blessing even as he obeyed God, fleeing from Laban without a goodbye and sending flocks and servants before him to appease Esau.

Left alone on the eve of meeting Esau, Jacob did not sleep. I think Jacob realized in that night of fear, with his family and possessions and all other fruits of the blessing sent ahead of him, that if God saw fit to let Esau destroy everything, Jacob could not stop Him. For the first time Jacob saw that he could not control the blessing. In that fear-filled night, after a childhood of deceiving for the blessing and an adulthood of toiling for the blessing, Jacob let loose of those things with which he was trying to control the blessing and took hold of God instead. Jacob wrestled with God for the blessing.

Jacob, he who spent a lifetime grasping the heel of man, became Israel, he who struggled with God. Ironically, Jacob could have climbed the ladder to God at Bethel over twenty years earlier. But I don’t think God’s goodness was real enough to him yet, and I don’t think he was worn out enough from struggling with man. 

My first reaction when I feel the fear rising is to breathe a prayer releasing the situation, a Band-Aid over the wound. But Jacob’s life pushes me to scratch beneath the surface, beneath the sand, into a place more painful and real. This place is one not of surrendering something I have but of reaching to God for something I do not have. This is a place not of wishing away characteristics that make me fear failure but of thanking God for characteristics that make me capable of success. This is a place of prayer:  “You control the blessing. Bless me.”

Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.  –James 1:17

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The purpose of a blog is to encourage spiritual discourse in our community. As such, posts are generally not edited for content, and may not represent the positions of Grace Bible Church.

A Spirit of Fear

by Jackie Doss

I hesitate to explain the fear I have, because it may give it more power. But I’m going to try, in hopes that I will expose it for the lie that it is.

I have a list of names in front of me that I am supposed to call and make appointments with to share about my new music ministry. I stare at the names. I think about the people. My mind says:

• They’ll think this is stupid.
• They really don’t like you very much.
• They don’t have time for you.
• You’re going to stumble on your words and sound foolish.
• They’re going to think you’re trying to “get” something from them rather than “give” something to them.
• They’re going to be suspicious because they haven’t heard from you in a long time.
• They don’t think you like them.
• You’re going to interrupt them.
• You’re going to be a bother to them.
• They’re going to be jealous of what you’re doing.
• They’re going to think you’re not going to follow through.
• They have way more important things to do than listen to you.
• They only say they like your music to be nice.
• They’re going to feel “put on the spot.”
• They’ll think you just want money from them.
• They won’t be nearly as excited as you are.
• Why did you put that person on the list anyway? You hardly know them.
• What if I overbook and won’t be able to manage it.
• I have so much going on next week!
• These people won’t even remember me.
• Well, they know me, but they haven’t really heard my music.

Do you get the idea? I emotionally hyperventilate. Even when I’ve emailed someone, and they say they’d love to hear more, I start  doing  things I don’t normally do, like dusting the blinds. I look at the phone, and then feel an urgent need to do laundry. In my head, the conversation goes like this: I stumble over my words, their voice doesn’t sound interested, they sound suspicious, I stumble over my words . . .

I just have to make a few appointments. What’s the big deal?  I look up the phone number. Then I look at my calendar to decide the best time to suggest. Then I punch the numbers into the phone. Then I double check to make sure they’re the right numbers. Laundry calls to me.

What is it about the phone? What is it about asking people for a bit of their time to share something good with them? What is it?!

I talk myself into just sending an email. It takes forever to get a reply . . . but at least I know they’re not being held hostage by my voice on the phone.

What is it?! What is it that makes me feel, deep-deep down and all the way back up again, that no one wants to hear what I have to say?

Surely there are other people who think the telephone has teeth . . . People who are successful at what they do, people who communicate very well, and love people. I LOVE PEOPLE!  I want to reach out to people! That’s why I’m doing this ministry! Can’t we just skip the phone part?

I knew this would be hard. At the same time, it has been wonderful when I finally make an appointment and meet with people who are gracious and kind. It gives me an opportunity to build a deeper relationship with them. And I know that I’ll be connected in a special way to this person for a long time, and we’ll both grow in ways that we hadn’t thought of before because of this ministry I’ve been called to . . . because of Jesus . . .because He loves us and wants us to love one another.

Here’s what the enemy sounds like in my head: Why on earth would you think you have anything important to share with people  . . . anything they haven’t already heard . . . people who’ve been to seminary, forheavenssake!  . . . who are smarter and more talented than you?

And here’s what the Holy Spirit sounds like: You are the only “you.” You’re not perfect, but you’re Mine. You have My creativity. Show them My heart. It’s worth it.

“For God does not give us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind” (2 Tim 1:7).

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The purpose of a blog is to encourage spiritual discourse in our community. As such, posts are generally not edited for content, and may not represent the positions of Grace Bible Church.

When your plans don’t work out

by Rachel Marcello

This past week, I had the privilege of teaching in the Bistro Bible Study here at Grace. I’ve always had a soft spot in my heart for Ruth, so I jumped at the chance to look a little deeper into her life. Over the past few weeks, as I studied the book, I was reminded over and over again how God gets us exactly where he wants us to be, even if he uses different means or circumstances than we’d expect.

If you think about it, Ruth had no idea of any of the things that God was going to do in and through her life. She had no concept that her son was going to be the grandfather of David, king of Israel. She had no clue that she, a Moabite woman, would end up in the family line of Jesus, the Savior of the world. She had no idea what God had in store for her.

When Ruth’s husband died, when she swore her faithfulness and loyalty to Naomi and her God, she could have had no idea of the blessings that God had in store for her, or how important her life was going to be. Yet she demonstrated faithfulness beyond what was expected or required. When Ruth told her mother-in-law that she was going to go out into the fields to gather grain, she could not have anticipated that she would step into the field of the man who would be her redeemer, her husband. She simply considered what was the right thing to do and took a step to do what she could to provide for her family. God, then, took care of the rest, making sure she ended up exactly where she needed to be, even though she didn’t even know it yet.

Has that ever happened to you? One day you simply turn around and realize that you’re exactly where you need to be, even though you didn’t know it? Maybe you were confused and frustrated, not understanding why you were where you were. Or, perhaps, you were in that spot for very different reasons. Yet, either way, no matter why you were in the spot you were, a moment comes when you realize that God had a specific reason for where He had placed you.

I recently found myself in a spot like that. Just about a year ago, all the plans that I had so carefully made fell into disarray. My director called me into her office and told me that, due to the need to hire someone else and some resulting changes in the office, I would no longer have a job beginning in May. I immediately started to panic—I was graduating and getting married in May! Now I had to look for another job too? This was not the plan! My then-fiancé reminded me what I didn’t want to hear—that this meant God had something else in store.

Now, a year later, I am working at a job I never would have expected to have. Though I don’t know what’s next or what my next step is, I know I’m exactly where I need to be right now. I have been welcomed with open arms into the Grace family, and I have found myself right at home. More than a new job that far surpasses the one I previously had, my husband and I have found a new church family. It’s moments like these—when I start to see God’s plan—that remind me no matter what circumstances I may find myself in, that He has a plan.

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The purpose of a blog is to encourage spiritual discourse in our community. As such, posts are generally not edited for content, and may not represent the positions of Grace Bible Church.

Do You Smell That?

by Jennifer Mosburg

I’m a smelly person. Okay, let me rephrase that. Like many of you, I find that smells trigger specific responses for me. If I get a whiff of a particular perfume, I’m immediately taken back to seventh grade. A fragrance can remind me of relationships, my favorite retail store, or certain holidays. I find it remarkable that the sense of smell is such a powerful tool in the way I experience life.

My husband is away from home for many months as he trains for a new career. With two tiny people in my constant care, there are times when I wonder how I’ll make it through this season alone. While working around our home, I’ve encountered scents that allow me to experience my husband’s presence in his absence. I immediately feel his nearness and that all will be okay.

Pondering this fragrance phenomenon leads me to consider the aroma of Christ. If the smell of my husband throughout my home is so defining in how I face the day, then how much more the aroma of Jesus!

Yes, I can experience the fragrance of my Maker in the truest sense. God has given me nature, and it’s undoubtedly full of unique scents. But, the irony is that I smell Him most through the other senses He created in me.

Family and friends have been an overwhelming encouragement in the absence of my beloved. The communication I’ve received in these first two weeks of adjustment has been timely, edifying, wise, loving, and consoling. This is the work of Christ in my life. This is not only the spoken word of believers, but it’s His aroma through them. Meals that have been provided have met the needs of my family. I’ve tasted His provision and experienced the sweet smell of Jesus. Doors have been opened, and hugs have been given. I’ve tangibly felt God’s love and thanked Him for His fragrance. Scripture provides wisdom for each day’s tasks. I’ve physically laid my eyes upon His words and have been invigorated by the aroma of The Lord.

The community of believers around me is living out their knowledge of God. These people have been the hands and feet of Jesus in my life. And I’m led to pause and consider.

Do I regularly take time to enjoy the sweet smell of the knowledge of Jesus? It doesn’t take more than a moment to sniff out His work of life in me.  And, I certainly want to be faithful to spread His aroma to those around me!

“But thanks be to God, who always leads us in triumph in Christ, and manifests through us the sweet aroma of the knowledge of Him in every place. For we are a fragrance of Christ to God among those who are being saved and among those who are perishing; to the one an aroma from death to death, to the other an aroma from life to life. And who is adequate for these things?” (2 Cor. 2:14-16)

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The purpose of a blog is to encourage spiritual discourse in our community. As such, posts are generally not edited for content, and may not represent the positions of Grace Bible Church.