Mice in My Unmentionables: Mold on My Soul
By Rachel Sawyer
There it was. Right in the front of my underwear drawer. Mouse poop. In plain site. Blatant. Unavoidable. Disgusting.
(Yes, she did just confess that publicly).
You see, while we were on vacation in the United States, it seems that some things had moved into our home in the Dominican Republic. Along with the mice in our drawers, there was also mildew on our clothes in the closet, and roaches with their heads on our pillows. Our absence combined with record rainfall for the months of June and July in our area, had opened the door for things uninvited.
You see, here in the D.R., we generally have to work with zealous fervor (i.e. maintain lots of cats, leave no crumb on any surface, stockpile hanging DampRid for our closets) to keep the aforementioned items out of our household. If we don’t make a conscious effort to combat these yucky things, then they take over.
Staring at the mound of tiny droplets atop my unders, the Lord brought to mind my spiritual life. I have often let gross things (i.e. sin) move into areas of my life – little by little, one dirty speck at a time. And then one day I am faced with a pile of (forgive me) poop, wondering, “how did this happen?” I know that it is not rocket science: aceida, pride, struggling to keep up appearances, the list goes on. Under certain conditions, like musty pockets in hidden places in my inner being, void of the presence of light, I allow mold to grow on my soul, my spiritual connection to the almighty God, inadvertently inviting things unwanted to grow and spread into my life .
If only there was an “anti-sin” spray that we could put around the perimeter of our lives, right? Some sort of “sin trap” that would catch the sin before it manifested in our being? If only my default nature was to do good? Solution: a healthy diet of Jesus in my life will save me from being overcome by stinky piles of nastiness in hidden corners and open spaces. And while I will never achieve perfection this side of heaven, I should seek with zealous fervor the face of Jesus.
I had not planned to share this admission of gross infestations – after all, this is our first date and I had hoped to put my best self forward – but then I, with my squished pride, remembered that my God can use absolutely anything to point us towards Him.
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The purpose of a blog is to encourage spiritual discourse in our community. As such, posts are generally not edited for content, and may not represent the positions of Grace Bible Church.
Connected by Grace 
August 30, 2010 at 9:52 am
I can sure relate to this! The line, ” If only my default nature was to do good”, is right on target.
August 30, 2010 at 11:18 am
Hey Susan, (Forgive me everyone for using this blog as a bulletin board, But I could think of no alternative; the people that I asked had no address for Susan.) I returned the items that you asked me to return. Sam’s would only give me a gift card for Wall Mart/Sams. Do you have Wal Mart where you are? If so give me an address. Why don’t you give me an e-maill address so we won’t have to use the blog to conduct business. This may be more sharing than others want to read. My address is: otoolbin@sbcglobal.net/
August 30, 2010 at 11:23 am
Back to blog. Rachel, The little creatures seem to feel the same way about our barn at the farm. One would think they thought that it was meant for animals, not people. It’s amazing how quickly one can get accustomed to things that once would have sent one shrieking. I am afraid that sin is the same. One can get so accustomed to it that it hardly seems like a big deal. After a while, one doesn’t even notice.
August 30, 2010 at 12:22 pm
Rachel-your honesty hit the bull’s eye. Thank you. Your phrase ” I should seek with zealous fervor the face of Jesus” connected immediately to my little world with the word “zeal”, pretty wierd and cool:
1. Last night I read that “zeal” (enthusiastic devotion) is the opposite of “acedia”.
2. This morning I read where Jesus was so frustrated when he found all the commercialism in the temple, and made a whip. His disciples watching him, thought of Psalm 69.9 “Zeal for your house will devour me”.
3. Separately, I recently read about the “zealous peace” that will accompany us to this scary place of self-examination. How our heart is really more like a neighborhood of houses and our sorrow place of sin is like the haunted house, we like to keep it boarded up and avoid going there. You were brave to share your sorrow place and reminded me to visit mine, and to not be scared. Zealous peace will always follow. I’ve got a new favorite word now. Gracias amiga!!!
August 30, 2010 at 12:23 pm
Sometimes I learn the best lessons through God’s sense of humor. Thanks for sharing your tale, Rachel.
August 30, 2010 at 4:05 pm
Sherry – so true and scary that we are so easily desensitized to something that should send us shrieking. I think that this is some sort of gross coping mechanism that allows us to tell ourselves that something heinous is not that bad.
Mary – I find “zealous fervor” an idea that I absolutely love, agree with and long for but something that I rob myself of by allowing circumstances (sometimes just the daily grind) to steal away from me. I am easily worn down by things that don’t matter only to abandon what should matter most. I long for zeal (zealous fervor, zealous peace) but don’t protect it like I should.
Susan- I was doing a Beth Moore study about the fruit of the spirit and in one of the chapters she talked about how the default setting of human nature is to sin – and that if another plan is not put into practice, that we will always go to our default setting. This made sense to me in a very big way and helped me to connect the dots of my faith in a new light. The plan I have to put into place is to follow Jesus in every moment – something that I am not always successful at but that I should strive for – with zealous fervor. No more letting the thief of the day steal my zeal.
Linda – yes, I agree, I know that God has a sense of humor that he sent me to the D.R. and when I look at the guinea hen, and in the mirror :)
August 31, 2010 at 1:03 pm
HEY RACHEL,
IT IS SO IMPORTANT I BELIEVE TO ALWAYS INSERT A LITTLE HUMOR IN SUCH SERIOUS AND SIGNIFICANT SUBJECTS. SO——–HERE GOES.
I PROMISE TO WORK ON THE MOLD ON MY SOUL IF YOU WILL GET RID OF THOSE SMALL AND LARGE VARMITS BEFORE WE COME TO VISIT!!!!!!!!!! I NEVER THOUGHT ABOUT HAVING ANY MOLD ON MY SOUL, BUT I PROBABLY HAVE MORE THAN I REALIZE. HA! HA!
September 1, 2010 at 7:44 am
Yes, mom, we are being proactive about the rodents :) and I am working on getting more “light” into those dark, musty, damp spots that are breeding grounds for ugly things on my insides.
I read a quote on somebody’s facebook yesterday that struck me to my core, “If satan can’t make you bad, he’ll make you busy.” OUCH! Not sure who said that as there was no name beside it, but I’ve been chewing on it for the last 24 hours. Of course, I can be bad (heads nodding in agreement) but I am easily overcome by “busy.” I think busy-ness can be a real zeal killer, and yet I struggle with this because many times I believe that I am working so hard for the Lord – but sometimes instead of sitting at the feet of Jesus I am somewhere else preparing with all I’ve got – and yet still obviously missing the boat if I am so busy with preparations that I miss the face of my savior. I think I need to sit on this one for a while.
September 1, 2010 at 12:14 pm
This topic has really got me “itching” to do some cleaning out. I myself, have bad reactions to mold. I wonder if that has been the problem all this time. i watch the weather channel as the seasons change, to see if the mold count is high or low in our area.. I pretty much know it is high in the fall and spring.. so I take precautions and get me and over stock of allergy medicine.. (non drowsy of course b/c of my “busy life).. Well, about the “anti sin” spray”.. first of all , i think it is genuis as most of us look for that quick fix.. but i dont like to admit that.. how easy would that be to spray a little on and around after every sin? would the sin really be gone or more like a cover up like air freshener is to a bathroom thus the mold still breeding in the same conditions that it was covered up in.
. I wonder how many of us would go for a “QUICK FIX” to cover up and go ne on with life.. I have to say i am all about quick fixes that sometimes they are just convenient.. but quick fix to me means “temporary”… to get you by in emergency situations and temporarily.. you eventually have to get the job done right..
This “Busy” topic has me thinking too.. Guilty! in the first degree of Busy! i wonder how many years that has cost me and how long it will take me to catch up.. “Just Breathe” i say… O:k.. that feels better… this whole “moldy thing” and “busy thing” gets me to thinking i have a whole lot of clenning up to do.. I have alot of room for growth and i’m proud of it!
Anyways, i am rambling, and there is more to come for sure! this is just the beginning of my thoughts on this subject..
. Rachel, you hit it on the bulls-eye, front row center, home run, hit the hammer on the head and also hit the HMMMM FACTOR of my heart and soul… I am gong to think about this more.. this is just the ramblings of a “molded heart and soul”… my gosh, sounds like the title of a country song.. but could be a Christian country song… I believe i’ll go shower!!!!
Dawn Hays
September 1, 2010 at 8:13 pm
i have to correct myself…it was explained to me from a loved one that i misinterpred the “anti sin spray”… that would mean something you could spray on Before you sinned.. to Prevent you from sinning.. not something you spray on After you sinned…
After being informed of this misunderstanding in my interpretting this, i realize that both (though opposites of eachother) would still mean the same thing… to cover up, to be temporary quick fixes reguardless of before or after…. with that said, i am still contemplating the “Busy” in my life…. and the mold in my soul…
. i also believe there is always some sort of mold growing no matter the work we do… it is constant, never ending and no one being is perfect… that is why we always grow….kind of like mold… we just keep cleaning out and keep doing God’s work… that is a good kind of busy that I could bet my life on…
Dawn
September 2, 2010 at 7:52 am
You are right in that no matter what we do – how much we feast on Jesus-that we will still fall short (i.e. there will still be moldy parts) but I guess really what I was getting at is that it is possible for us to allow these “moldy parts” to grow and grow and grow in our lives – if we keep them in a dark place (secret), under cover and unexposed (hide them, cover them up, avoid them). In fact, by doing these things we are inviting bad things to grow and fester while we look the other way.
About the “busy” part, and this is tricky, I know that I have been guilty of ‘being busy for Jesus’ (i.e. doing stuff that is supposed to bring Him glory), only to trample over children, husband, family, people in general. If along the way, my demeanor does not display the love of Jesus, than I am missing Jesus all together – which is the meaning being the quote “If Satan can’t make you bad, he’ll make you busy.” If he can distract us, even in the name of serving Jesus, than we are falling into a trap.
As far as the ‘anti-sin spray’ goes, you can take it either way. The good news is that when we repent of a sin – turn 180 degrees away from it – confess it, we are exposing it for what it is (mold) and letting Jesus have His way with us. There is victory over sin, with Jesus by our side.
September 2, 2010 at 8:01 am
This is a great subject and i cant wait to see what you write next! It all makes sense and has left me with some serious thoughts about my daily life .. …. Looks like i may be doing some spring cleaning in the fall months! thanks for all your input.. I love to read how you put things in words.. I now have a clear picture of what “mold in your soul” may look like! talk to you soon!
Dawn
September 2, 2010 at 8:42 am
Too bad they don’t have test kits for internal mold! Love you, Kim
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September 2, 2010 at 9:51 am
No test kit necessary in the case of most human beings! We’ve all got those dark places that we don’t want anyone to know about that we’d rather avoid.
Do you have mold on your soul? Two simple questions:
1) Are you Jesus, son of God? (If answer is no, proceed to question 2)
2) Are there areas in your life, in your christian walk, that you have not attended to, visited in a while, are afraid to look at and/or have not allowed the light of Jesus to shine on? (If answer is yes, than “mold” is present)
September 2, 2010 at 11:29 pm
Thank you, Rachel. Your transparency and candor are a breath of fresh air. We all have infestations, both literal and figurative, but it is so easy to find ourselves making the surface look all clean and ignoring the mold underneath that fresh coat of paint. Mary, I have been thinking about the concept of zealous peace accompanying us to these dark corners and I am overwhelmed. Why do I always expect that I need to clean this all out on my own, with my own strength?
As if that wasn’t enough, Rachel, you had to go and bring up the “busy being good” syndrome. That hit was right between the eyes and something I have been thinking about a lot lately. With school and activities starting up, my goal has been to prayerfully consider everything we commit to this year. It is so easy to say yes, because there is so much “good” out there to do. That is where I find myself, and I know that God is all too often waiting patiently for me to take a break from all the stuff I am doing to simply be with Him.
Miss you terribly, Rach. Maybe what we really need is to go on a reflective retreat in the mountains overlooking Jarabacoa (plus we could spend some time in the mornings bleaching out drawers)!
September 3, 2010 at 12:45 pm
You know I’d be all over that reflecting in Jarabacoa part AND you know how I love a fresh coat of paint -it’s the stinking prep work (cleaning, filling in holes, dusting the oh so dusty baseboards, sometimes priming) that makes me think twice about painting. But oh how many times in my life I have painted an ill prepared surface, hoping that the beauty would just “stick,” only to be disappointed by the inevitable peel off factor (which is wicked here in the D.R. by the way). Glossing over is only temporary, but oh how I’ve given it a whirl a time or ten. I’m not sure why you (okay, we) feel like we have to clean before we let anybody help us clean, and why we think we have to do it on our own. As I was just now writing this it dawned on me how difficult it is for me to receive, and then I thought about you. So, I think that this is for you: the Lord has something for you – but you have to receive it. It’s like it is sitting in your closet – you know it’s there and that it has your name on it – but for some reason you don’t feel worthy to open it. You are a prized jewel, Tricia. A gem yet you think yourself a pebble. Stop it. Receive.
September 3, 2010 at 1:20 pm
I love reading all you guys’ thoughts and heart stirrings! This has been so cool! The subject of receiving God’s gifts made me think. Chris and I were talking yesterday about FORGIVENESS, and how difficult it is to receive from the Lord, with the love and respect it carries with it. We pondered this phrase together, which we found helpful from an author who disclosed his struggle to accept: “I still struggled to accept God’s loving forgiveness for the respect-filled and restoring embrace that it is, rather than the further immersion in the failure that I could all easily feel it to be”. We give Him our burdens when we allow Him to forgive. We’ve got to let Him though, even if it means telling Him we are having a hard time feeling loved. In the telling there is blessing.
September 4, 2010 at 7:16 pm
Mary,
Your comments stop me in my tracks (in a good way) as I had never made the connection of being able to receive God’s gift with being able to receive forgiveness. Maybe it’s a far reach for me because I go at it from a fleshy perspective knowing that it is sooooooo hard for me to forgive so I therefore have a difficult time fathoming that God forgives so freely (and therefore can’t accept that He would). I confess that I don’t read (hardly ever – gasp!) as I just fall right to sleep when I open a book, but I am totally interested in the books that you have mentioned. Maybe I could get a Mary Howell reading list? Or more realistically, just 1 recommended book by Mary :) Anyway, I am growing and being challenged by your comments – so thank you!
September 5, 2010 at 4:18 pm
Sweet Rachel–I’ll give you the one book I read last spring which launched me into several others:
EAT THIS BOOK by Eugene Peterson
He is the author who paraphrased “The Message”. I found it delightful, simple, and it got me reading my bible like eating a meal again, without rushing or gulping. He helped me realize speed-reading Scripture is a death-knell to growth, as is treating it like a textbook. He takes you back to Ezekiel and John being told to EAT THIS SCROLL (or book) and how odd that seems at first, but yet that is really how He planned it. Let me know what you think! :)
September 3, 2010 at 5:26 pm
WOW! This really gets a person to thinking. We all have our little mold spores, present, and in the past. We just have to take one day at a time. Always try to put our best self out there. We need to slow down, breathe, and think twice before we do. The Lord has many things in store for us. We just need to reach into our hearts and praise him every day! We all can definitely use a little cleaning…inside & out.
I had a blast meeting you and your family (with my adopted sis – Dawn, since I’m an only child). By the way…I have given her a new name. She is the Double D (Determined Dawn). Don’t you think that fits her? Give those kiddos hugs & kisses.
September 4, 2010 at 7:19 pm
Belinda,
I am very glad that my sister has you as a friend in her life :) I know your friendship is a blessing! I like “Determined Dawn” and do believe that is true, but double D makes me think of something else :) How about D squared? Hugs and kisses have been distributed to kids “from Miss Belinda.” Love from the D.R!
September 12, 2010 at 9:08 am
Rach, I don’t know what I was thinking to state Dawn’s nickname on your christian site. My mind didn’t even go there. It was just an abbreviation for what I thought fit her to a T. Hope I didn’t embarrass anyone too much.
I love reading these. They really get you to thinking.
I emailed you a little phrase I just read and I wanted to pass it along. Just in case you don’t get the email here it is again……
“Faith in God will be your floor, do not be afraid to stand on it.”
I just love that.
Take care and be safe.
September 6, 2010 at 9:49 am
I like that some of you mention books that are helpful. I hope that more people will share that information. My most recent reading, not counting fiction, has been John Piper’s ” Desiring God” and “What to Do When You Don’t Desire God.” ( I don’t know how to underline yet, off to Apple class today to learn how.) Each year I conduct a kind of scavenger hunt on a specific subject. This year my subject was “What pleases God?” The August subhead was, What prayers please God? John Piper helped a lot with that.